It has been one month since my dad died. I decided I didn’t like the term “passed away” because he didn’t. He wasn’t laying in bed dying… “passing” so-to-speak. He died. Man, I miss my dad. I think the hardest part is every so often I think "Oh, I need to call my dad, he'd think this is hilarious," or "Oh shit, my dad's going to be pissed when he finds out..." until after that split second I realize I can't.
Speaking of dying my old manager and friend, Jimmy just died as well. Good old oxy cotton. Really, another one to that crap? Wow, what a month.
I also had a really bad weekend like…REALLY BAD. But, I’m not going to talk about it, because I’m still pretty embarrassed.
It was nice to see the family even though I was harassed and made fun of most of the time. Bad times are always made better with humor, right? Gosh I hate this last month...well year to be exact. I can’t wait for it to be over and 2008 to be here. VEGAS BABY.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
my greatest loss yet
On Sunday November 25, 2007 at about 11:45 my dad died. This was the night of my last post. On his way back to Chico from our dinner in San Francisco, he somehow drifted off the road and hit a tree. He was killed instantly, the right side of his car was shaved off and the car burst into flames. This all happened about 10 minutes from Chico. No one knows what happened, but I think he was changing his CDs. It’s not like him to fall asleep or swerve for an animal, so that is my prediction. The San Francisco Police came to my house at about 4am, and told me. I then had to call my mom and family and tell them. My Aunt picked me up at about 7am and drove me to Chico. It’s now little over a week later. And I feel like it has been a month. Between meeting with Ric Newton (Funeral Director/Dad’s friend/friend’s Dad), putting together the slideshow and music for the service, cleaning out my dad’s place, writing the obituary, seeing my friends, family, and my dad’s friends and just plain…crying. I’ve been very busy. I still feel like it hasn’t quite hit me yet. It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel like I will never see him again.
One of the many great things about my dad was how ridiculously organized he was. He had part of the history of his obituary written, everything in order, the songs he wanted played at his service and even had a goodbye card he had written to a few of us which started with "if you're reading this, it was ovbiously my time to go...". He even had $500 to go to his old favorite college bar, The Oasis, so that everyone could have a round on him. Here are the songs in order:
1. As Tears Go By-Rolling Stones
2. Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright-Bob Dylan
3. Lovely Cruise-Jimmy Buffett
4. With A Little Help From My Friends-Kenny Rankin
Everyone walks out to:
5. Friends In Low Places-Garth Brooks
I also made a mix that meant a lot to me and my dad, for everyone to walk in to.
1. One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer-John Lee Hooker
2. Lay, Lady, Lay-Bob Dylan
3. Angie-The Rolling Stones
4. Here For You-Neil Young
Since the death of my dad I have gotten so many compliments from people about him. He now has a Scholarship named after him at Chico State. Someone paid for the whole service, anonymously. I’ve learned how many organizations he was in, and how many people he helped. I’ve gotten to talk to his old biker buddies and hear stories and even spoke at his service. He was so loved and also showed so much love to so many people, I am so proud of him. I think the hardest part for me will be thinking about how he will never be able to walk me down the isle and never be able to see my kids and be a grandfather. But, apparently it was his time and I will have to accept that. I will post old pictures of him later, but for now I’ll close with what I read at the service.
“MY DAD
I HATE Jimmy Buffet and my dad knew this. He played him, and the Stones all the time. So, when we were reading the list of the songs he wanted played I knew I had to talk after the Buffet song. Most of you know how organized and business-like my dad was, but you should have seen how he already had his memorial planned. He had all his songs picked out in order and listed exactly where they were. And he has had all this done for years! He knew Ric from Lions and they bonded instantly when his daughter, Shawntel, and I were born the same month, and specifically listed him to take care of everything. He even had it planned out to have a $500 tab, on him, at the Oasis after the service and had his history of his obituary written and he said he in quotes didn’t want a lot of “rhetoric” and for us to just “get er done”. So I’ll try to make this short and sweet.
This last week someone sent us a card that said “It’s always too soon to say good-bye to someone you love,” and I know that that’s true whether the person is 95 or 62, like my dad was. Most of you don’t know how amazing he was, I didn’t even know until these last couple years.
When I was little, I LOVED my dad. We played catch, baseball, soccer and basketball together. I loved hanging out with him and its no wonder most of my friends were guys, I was raised like a boy! We camped and fished and hiked. I knew how to make the perfect campfire and how to set up a tent and hook a fish by the time I was 6. Then came high school…I was a teenage asshole and he was, well, just an asshole. We butted heads about everything. Unfortunately, I got my hard headedness from him. And earned the nickname of “Goddamnit Megan” from him. Nothing was fair, I had the earliest curfew, and well, I was an only child so I had no one to blame things on or help divert the attention from me. I think he was the only dad my friends were actually scared of. He told bad jokes and was so sarcastic my friends didn’t know if he was serious or not. And as I grew up, I realized this whole over protective thing wasn’t a new thing.
When I was born my dad boiled all my new toys to kill the bacteria. He cut off all the whiskers of my stuffed animals so I wouldn’t poke my eye. I was the one who could never cross Godman to see my friends and had to run home before the streetlights turned on. And as I was putting together the pictures this week I found one of me in roller skates with a helmet, knee pads, wrist guards AND elbow pads. And NO, I wasn’t outside in the street. I was inside…on the carpet. Once I went to college our whole relationship changed. We got along more like friends and I grew closer to him than ever. The only thing we really didn’t agree about was me transferring up to study art and him wanting me to continue with business…of course. I would come to town and we’d go out to dinner and get ice cream and just walk around and talk. He’d tell me stories and I’d listen to the same story I had heard 5 times already. He always told me things like “you can’t fool a fool” when he thought I was lying and to “ANTICIPATE” things happening, whether it be when I was playing sports or studying for a test. And of course he always told me…”a man has got to know his limitations”.
When we were finalizing the obituary the other day, I was reading everything he was involved in and was amazed. I knew he was involved with Chico State and also the Lions, but geez there were a lot more. The amazing thing to me was he never missed one of my games, performances, art shows and was home for dinner every night. He loved me so much, and I finally realized that these last couple years and am so thankful for that. I am so proud of him and love him so much, I just hope that wasn’t too much rhetoric. He would be so honored to know he now has a scholarship in honor of him and that all of you are here for him. He would have hated all this attention on him, but too bad. He deserves it more than most. I just want to close by thanking all of you for being here for him, my family and I.And I’ll see you all at the O.”
One of the many great things about my dad was how ridiculously organized he was. He had part of the history of his obituary written, everything in order, the songs he wanted played at his service and even had a goodbye card he had written to a few of us which started with "if you're reading this, it was ovbiously my time to go...". He even had $500 to go to his old favorite college bar, The Oasis, so that everyone could have a round on him. Here are the songs in order:
1. As Tears Go By-Rolling Stones
2. Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright-Bob Dylan
3. Lovely Cruise-Jimmy Buffett
4. With A Little Help From My Friends-Kenny Rankin
Everyone walks out to:
5. Friends In Low Places-Garth Brooks
I also made a mix that meant a lot to me and my dad, for everyone to walk in to.
1. One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer-John Lee Hooker
2. Lay, Lady, Lay-Bob Dylan
3. Angie-The Rolling Stones
4. Here For You-Neil Young
Since the death of my dad I have gotten so many compliments from people about him. He now has a Scholarship named after him at Chico State. Someone paid for the whole service, anonymously. I’ve learned how many organizations he was in, and how many people he helped. I’ve gotten to talk to his old biker buddies and hear stories and even spoke at his service. He was so loved and also showed so much love to so many people, I am so proud of him. I think the hardest part for me will be thinking about how he will never be able to walk me down the isle and never be able to see my kids and be a grandfather. But, apparently it was his time and I will have to accept that. I will post old pictures of him later, but for now I’ll close with what I read at the service.
“MY DAD
I HATE Jimmy Buffet and my dad knew this. He played him, and the Stones all the time. So, when we were reading the list of the songs he wanted played I knew I had to talk after the Buffet song. Most of you know how organized and business-like my dad was, but you should have seen how he already had his memorial planned. He had all his songs picked out in order and listed exactly where they were. And he has had all this done for years! He knew Ric from Lions and they bonded instantly when his daughter, Shawntel, and I were born the same month, and specifically listed him to take care of everything. He even had it planned out to have a $500 tab, on him, at the Oasis after the service and had his history of his obituary written and he said he in quotes didn’t want a lot of “rhetoric” and for us to just “get er done”. So I’ll try to make this short and sweet.
This last week someone sent us a card that said “It’s always too soon to say good-bye to someone you love,” and I know that that’s true whether the person is 95 or 62, like my dad was. Most of you don’t know how amazing he was, I didn’t even know until these last couple years.
When I was little, I LOVED my dad. We played catch, baseball, soccer and basketball together. I loved hanging out with him and its no wonder most of my friends were guys, I was raised like a boy! We camped and fished and hiked. I knew how to make the perfect campfire and how to set up a tent and hook a fish by the time I was 6. Then came high school…I was a teenage asshole and he was, well, just an asshole. We butted heads about everything. Unfortunately, I got my hard headedness from him. And earned the nickname of “Goddamnit Megan” from him. Nothing was fair, I had the earliest curfew, and well, I was an only child so I had no one to blame things on or help divert the attention from me. I think he was the only dad my friends were actually scared of. He told bad jokes and was so sarcastic my friends didn’t know if he was serious or not. And as I grew up, I realized this whole over protective thing wasn’t a new thing.
When I was born my dad boiled all my new toys to kill the bacteria. He cut off all the whiskers of my stuffed animals so I wouldn’t poke my eye. I was the one who could never cross Godman to see my friends and had to run home before the streetlights turned on. And as I was putting together the pictures this week I found one of me in roller skates with a helmet, knee pads, wrist guards AND elbow pads. And NO, I wasn’t outside in the street. I was inside…on the carpet. Once I went to college our whole relationship changed. We got along more like friends and I grew closer to him than ever. The only thing we really didn’t agree about was me transferring up to study art and him wanting me to continue with business…of course. I would come to town and we’d go out to dinner and get ice cream and just walk around and talk. He’d tell me stories and I’d listen to the same story I had heard 5 times already. He always told me things like “you can’t fool a fool” when he thought I was lying and to “ANTICIPATE” things happening, whether it be when I was playing sports or studying for a test. And of course he always told me…”a man has got to know his limitations”.
When we were finalizing the obituary the other day, I was reading everything he was involved in and was amazed. I knew he was involved with Chico State and also the Lions, but geez there were a lot more. The amazing thing to me was he never missed one of my games, performances, art shows and was home for dinner every night. He loved me so much, and I finally realized that these last couple years and am so thankful for that. I am so proud of him and love him so much, I just hope that wasn’t too much rhetoric. He would be so honored to know he now has a scholarship in honor of him and that all of you are here for him. He would have hated all this attention on him, but too bad. He deserves it more than most. I just want to close by thanking all of you for being here for him, my family and I.And I’ll see you all at the O.”
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